🎤Give me time
To release my crime
Let me love and steal
I have danced
Inside your eyes
How can love be real
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to
Make me cry
Precious kisses
Words that burn me
Lovers never ask you why
In my heart
The fires burning
Choose my colour
Find a star
Precious people always tell me
That's a step
A step too far
*Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to
Make me cry
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to
Make me cry
Words are few
I have spoken
I could waste a thousand years
Wrapped in sorrow
Words are token
Come inside/and catch my tears
You've been talking
But believe me
If it's true
You do not know
This boy loves without a reason
I'm prepared
To let you go
If it's love you want from me
Then take it away
Everything is not what you see
It's over again 🎤
Monday, August 14, 2017
Is it me? Or is it the mercury retrograde?
I dunno what's happening here, but my thoughts have been haywire for the last few days. Is it me? Or is it mercury retrograde? People, and by people I mean family members, extended ones who really don't need to know any of my personal business to use as dinner table gossip, have been getting on my nerves.
It reminds me of a meme that had been floating around on the internet, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not surrounded by assholes"
Recovery from narc abuse, mentally, psychologically, and financially for me has been a serious struggle. Yet, I'm questioned daily about me progress or lack thereof.
For me, the process is deeply challenging in every sense because I went from discovering my disordered ex-husband had me on a whirlwind emotional and psychological rollercoaster that for many years I accepted as normal. Well why is that? It became clear to me after my separation and subsequent divorce, the way I was raised was the reason why my life in relationships have always been abusive; physically and mentally. I was groomed for it.
Learning about ambient abuse, narc abuse and cluster B disorders was a real eye opener for me. I had no idea what I was dealing with, and not only that, not understanding that I had been dealing with it my entire life. I was surrounded by it, groomed by it, taught by it, and raised by it.
Having lost everything I worked so hard for and having to come back home because I had no other option, I realized I had come back face to face with the very people who taught me to accept abuse as normal. And now, instead of empathizing with my experience, they victim shame me.
Its like being abused all over again under the guise of, "I'm just trying to help you" bullshit.
I try to remain calm and explain my point of view to understand that I didn't choose this, it chose me. Trying to bounce back from narc abuse is tough. Since being here, nearly 3 years, I've cried myself to sleep in silence many a night. I'm fighting depression daily, and sometimes have thoughts I have no business of having, just because I feel isolated, alone and not heard. My health is on a decline, I look like I've aged about 20 years older, and I feel like I have nowhere to start over. I feel robbed with no witnesses, the thief got away, and no one called the cops to help me. That's what it feels like. All over again. By the people I thought I could trust, the people I thought would protect me.
I'm here, back where it all began, being abused again with my eyes wide open seeing it for what it is. And it hurts just as much when I discovered my ex husband is a narc as it does to know I was raised by 2 of them I call parents.
It reminds me of a meme that had been floating around on the internet, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not surrounded by assholes"
Recovery from narc abuse, mentally, psychologically, and financially for me has been a serious struggle. Yet, I'm questioned daily about me progress or lack thereof.
For me, the process is deeply challenging in every sense because I went from discovering my disordered ex-husband had me on a whirlwind emotional and psychological rollercoaster that for many years I accepted as normal. Well why is that? It became clear to me after my separation and subsequent divorce, the way I was raised was the reason why my life in relationships have always been abusive; physically and mentally. I was groomed for it.
Learning about ambient abuse, narc abuse and cluster B disorders was a real eye opener for me. I had no idea what I was dealing with, and not only that, not understanding that I had been dealing with it my entire life. I was surrounded by it, groomed by it, taught by it, and raised by it.
Having lost everything I worked so hard for and having to come back home because I had no other option, I realized I had come back face to face with the very people who taught me to accept abuse as normal. And now, instead of empathizing with my experience, they victim shame me.
Its like being abused all over again under the guise of, "I'm just trying to help you" bullshit.
I try to remain calm and explain my point of view to understand that I didn't choose this, it chose me. Trying to bounce back from narc abuse is tough. Since being here, nearly 3 years, I've cried myself to sleep in silence many a night. I'm fighting depression daily, and sometimes have thoughts I have no business of having, just because I feel isolated, alone and not heard. My health is on a decline, I look like I've aged about 20 years older, and I feel like I have nowhere to start over. I feel robbed with no witnesses, the thief got away, and no one called the cops to help me. That's what it feels like. All over again. By the people I thought I could trust, the people I thought would protect me.
I'm here, back where it all began, being abused again with my eyes wide open seeing it for what it is. And it hurts just as much when I discovered my ex husband is a narc as it does to know I was raised by 2 of them I call parents.
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